From an article in Stepmom Magazine (May, 2015), entitled “Difficulty with Stepdaughters”, I learned that the rough start to my stepdaughter’s and my relationship is not all that uncommon.
“Difficulties tend to begin early in stepmother-stepdaughter relationships and catch many of us step-moms by surprise.” Read my story from my upcoming book Stepping into a New Role, Stories from Stepmoms to see how the above quote is dead on. Talk about a surprise! 🙂
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How did a glob of spit end up in the middle of my dog’s back? I had only been living with my new ready-made family for about two months, when this unpleasant surprise was waiting for me upon stepping out of the bathroom. That’s a moment that I will never forget. Ivy was like my child, the baby I never had. This didn’t make sense. Who could be that upset with her? Ivy was an easygoing dog. She never growled, jumped on people, or barked in the house. She loved kids and was gentle with them. Granted when we moved in, she did chew a little on a few of Jessie’s stuffed animals, but it was just a few.
Since Jessie and I were the only ones home, deductive reasoning told me that she must be the culprit. I could not figure out for the life of me why six-year-old Jessie would spit on my dog. When I asked her if she spit on Ivy, she hung her head, letting her hair fall in front of her face. So, I asked her if Ivy snapped at her, bit her, or scared her in any way. She shook her head. Then I asked if Ivy ate one of her toys. Again, a shake of the head. I don’t know what made me ask this next question, but I asked Jessie if she was jealous of Ivy. This time, she nodded. I asked her to tell me what it means to be jealous. She said it’s when you want something that someone else has. I then asked her if she thought I loved Ivy more than her. There was another nod of the head. Again, I’m not sure where my next question came from (somewhere up above, I think), but I asked, “Who do you think I’d rescue first if the house was on fire and you and Ivy were trapped?” She raised her head slightly, looked up at me with her pretty blue eyes, and tentatively asked, “Me?” And, I said, “Yes, because you are the most special little girl in the world to me.” For the first time, she threw herself into my arms, and I wanted to cry.
With all the ups and downs Jessie and I had experienced since I’d moved in, and the hot and cold moments in the development of our new relationship, I had no idea that she had been feeling that way. I was so touched, holding her in my arms. Until later, that is, when I shared this moment with my friend, who dead pan said, “So you lied to her?” What a mood breaker that was! Then, there was the other friend who said I would probably get Jessie out of there and run back into the fire to die with my dog. Or maybe I would put Jessie on the back of my dog to ride out of the burning fire together. Obviously, my hilarious friends knew how precious my Ivy Girl was to me. What they didn’t know was how important that beautiful little girl had become. I don’t think I did either, until that moment.